Local undergrad Kurt Ganapathy has announced his sudden retirement from life. The shock announcement came last night after weeks of complaints about the difficult nature his of existence.
“Don’t even know what the fuck I’m doing here”, he explained at a press conference at the reception of College Square.
"Fuck this country," he added.
Life, the state of being that one experiences during one’s existence is experienced by more than 6 billion people worldwide. Some of the history’s most famous figures have retired from life including Ernest Hemingway, Kurt Cobain and Heath Ledger.
Ganapathy added that he was being “crushed under the weight of my own existense.” His cited his hectic routine, which involves sleeping all day, binge drinking several times a week and occasionally attending classes at university.
Ganapathy intends to consume alcohol until he passes on. He left the press conference twice to smoke and after answering a handful of questions, he made his exit saying it was “time to call it a night”. It was half past 9 in the morning.
Ganapathy will be calling it a life on the 21st of April. His funeral will be held at Puggs Malone Irish Pub from 7pm till closing time. The event will feature an open bar, live band Analcunt and back-to-back screenings of Family Guy. Tickets are available from Carlton Newsagency.
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